The Unconventional Film Guide for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse and other Terrible Situations

This post originally appeared online here.

I find myself thinking about the zombie apocalypse more often than I’d like. Back when internet quizzes were still novel, I’d taken one purely about survival—“How long would you last in the zombie apocalypse?”—and I was pretty upset to discover that based on my answers, my estimated survival time would be about 2 days. This was unacceptable by any standards.

And I’m not the only one with a growing interest in the subject. Recently, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in the U.S. posted a tongue-in-cheek article on how to survive the zombie apocalypse on its blog.

When I think of zombie apocalypse, I don’t just think of the slow-moving un-dead wanting to nom nomz your brains. I’m also thinking of the mob-based angry humans that are bound to crop up when natural resources start to run out. The way I see it, there are two critical skill sets for surviving this sort of apocalypse: defensive and offensive.

Defensive Film Guide

1. Creative Weapon Skills – No Country for Old Men, 2007

While it might not be your first choice, this crime thriller gem has plenty of gun-wielding scenes, not to mention Javier Bardem’s character’s unflinching and unnerving use of a cattle gun. With zombies to worry about, it’s good to know what options you have.

2. Physical Prowess – The Bourne Ultimatum, 2007

Krav Maga is hand-to-hand combat developed in Israel that emphasizes threat neutralisation. This technique shows up in the third film of the series, by way of Jason Bourne himself. Great for neutralising both angry humans and persistent zombies.

3. Stamina – Casino Royale, 2006

Parkour, or free running, is a form of urban acrobatics stemming from Russia and France, which involves such feats as leaping from building to building and propelling oneself of a wall. Sebastien Foucan, one of free running’s earlier founders, appears in the opening sequence of this film.

Offensive Film Guide

4. Survival Skills – Cast Away, 2000

I mean, Tom Hanks talks to a volleyball the entire time. Dude knows what survival is about.

5. Negotiation Skills – The Godfather, 1972

Nobody gets things done like Don Corleone. This seminal classic will teach you everything you need to about making offers that can’t be refused. Negotiations for that last tin of tuna suddenly seem a bit brighter.

6. Bad-ass Driving Skills – The Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift, 2006

You weren’t expecting this one, right? That’s what makes this guide “unconventional.” While I doubt many people saw the third installment of the F&F franchise—save for pre-teen boys—the film does deliver on bad-ass driving. It also delivers one of the most appropriately apocalyptic lines I’ve ever heard:

“If you ain’t outta control, you ain’t in control.”

 

Top photo: “Fear and Suspicion” by Alyssa L. Miller, used under CC BY / Resized from original

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